Australia vs USA – Part 3 – Where do I belong?
By mattsmallbone. Filed in Australia |
I got in late last night from our little jaunt to Canada. I thought I had lost my bass in Minneapolis… however Delta did a great job of getting it to Nashvegas. We have an 11-show tour to Canada on the books for April 29 – May 12. I like Canada a lot. Come out and see us.
Anyway(s)…
If you are joining me for the first time today, I suspect that you may need to read through part one and two for this entry to make any kind of sense. I am on a journey towards self-actualization and am closing in on whether this is more likely to occur in the USA or Australia.
Hold on to your pocket protectors. It’s gonna be a rough ride.
After physiological (won by USA) and safety (won by Australia) needs are fulfilled, the third level of human needs are social. We are pretty much talking about ‘belonging’ today. This component of Maslow’s hierarchy involves emotionally-based relationships in general, such as:
Level three explains a lot of things about our desire for social groupings, including the appeal of joining a gang and/or church small group. It explains why women go to the bathroom together and why men smoke cigars and wear football jerseys.
In 2006, Mary and I moved to Tennessee broke, hopeful (in an indie rock band) and carrying around one child. I am now slightly less broke, own a house, have 3 kids and sometimes get upgraded to first class when flying because my ‘multi-platinum album sales, People Magazine’s most beautiful man’ boss is beloved by so many.
It definitely feels like things are on the up and up. However, when confronted with the question of where I belong… I must admit that I am quite confused about where I MOST belong.
I have now lived in the USA for four years. Visiting Cracker Barrel is no longer like a trip to Disneyland and in many ways we are confronted by the normality of life for the first time. I don’t even visit the gun section in Wal-Mart any more.
To most people in the USA, I am simply known as the curly haired Australian guy who plays bass. My Australian-ness is thrust upon me at every corner. USA folk dig the accent (although… I still have to put on an over the top southern accent if I am to order drive thru food accurately in the south). In general terms, I find myself identifying very much as Australian.
However….
When I am actually in Australia I feel like I don’t have a single clue about anything that is going on over there. I am an outsider there too…
Teach me something Mr Maslow… PLEASE.
Maslow suggests that humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance to self-actualize. This can come from large social groups, such as clubs, the office, church, professional organizations, sports teams, or small social connections (family members, intimate partners, mentors, close colleagues, confidants).
Basically, people need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety and clinical depression. This need for belonging can often overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure. For example, an anorexic girl may ignore the need to eat and the security of health for a feeling of control and belonging. An emo kid may cut for similar reasons.
Time to hit the scoreboard…
Friendship – I feel like I have all of my friendship needs met via my band mates, church friends, small group and family. I do in Australia as well. (My wife would probably give this one to Australia as our phase of life in terms of sheer volume of children under the age of 5 has made friend making difficult).
Tie.
Intimacy – I am very fortunate to be in a loving marriage and have a handful of friends with whom I can be emotionally honest with. I also have this in Australia.
Tie.
Family –My brother (and best mate) lives 20 mins from me, and I have an uncle, aunty and 6 cousins within 30mins that provide great support. However, we are both from big families, and there is definitely something missing from our lives in terms of family since we moved to the USA.
Australia 1 – USA 0
To be honest, I still don’t feel like I have totally answered this question of belonging for myself yet. I feel like I belong in both Australia and the USA most of the time, and then occasionally… not at all.
I belong enough in both places to self-actualize. There is no need to join a gang , starve myself or take up bingo.
Stage 3 goes the way of Australia… by a hair.
Tuesday, February 2nd 2010 at 9:03 pm |
Ya know it sure is easy to feel like the Apostle Paul when he said, “But I am hard pressed between the two. My yearning desire is to depart (to be free of this world, to set forth) and be with Christ, for that is far, far better; But to remain in my body is more needful and essential for your sake.” Since we are spirit beings, I thank God that I am not entirely comfortable in all situations. Hmm..could it be that our not fitting in from time to time is so we see our need for Him to fill that empty spot?
One question would be, “Can I truly self-actualize, if Jesus is truly Lord?”
Gosh, I really laughed hard throughout your writing–not at you–but at the situations. My husband and I still stop at Cracker Barrel while traveling–he for the food, and me for the shopping!! And, I have never given the gun section at Walmart a second thought. Then again, I don’t live in Tennessee.
Keep writing. Maybe I will be buying your books some day in the near future! You are a blessing.
Saturday, March 20th 2010 at 3:25 am |
Hi – It’s great to read such topical stuff on the Web as I have been able to fiind here. I agree with much of what is written here and I’ll be returning to this site again. Thanks again for publishing such great reading material!!