Assassinating the Bachelor
By mattsmallbone. Filed in Relationships |
Nashville is an interesting town. There are so many intelligent, hot and available 33 year olds who haven’t or won’t get married. Is it fear? Too much pollen? Or has marriage become decidedly un-cool to these post-modern hipsters?
I don’t know…
My 23 year-old cousin got engaged on Saturday night to the girl of his dreams and it has been a cool romance to watch develop. They seem to genuinely love and respect each other. They have been blessed with a great model of marriage from both parents. They are simultaneously in love and grounded. They have already passed the ‘in sickness and in health’ test.
From the outside it appears that they have all of the building blocks in place to make a great life together. For what it’s worth… they have my blessing.
So many people’s lives however become a train wreck within months of getting married. What goes wrong?
What I do know is that you have to enter into marriage soberly. You will never understand the meaning of the word ‘solemn’ until you take your wedding vows looking into the damp eyes of the one that you love. It is heavy stuff.
If you are a bloke and thinking of proposing, I have a few small pieces of advice for you to consider and a little bit of home work as well.
First and foremost… you need to assassinate the bachelor. That dude needs to be taken out the back and shot. Marriage is no place for even the slightest hint of ‘bachelor-ness’. If you still want to be the man at every party and have the admiration of all women… DO NOT PROPOSE. You are not ready. Grow up and come back next year.
How does one kill the bachelor?
It’s easy… at least in theory. You make a conscious decision to be a ‘one lady man’ and you control your eyes. DO IT.
Secondly, spend some time with a happily married couple as well as a divorcee or two. There is a wealth of knowledge residing in both. You will be encouraged by the happily married couple and ‘put on notice’ by the divorcee.
Thirdly, educate yourself. I think that you should read The Five Love Languages and His Needs Her Needs.
These are both particularly important reads because they train you how to love your spouse.
There are some deep waters to navigate in order to be ready for marriage. Please join this discussion. The nuclear family is on the ropes and we should be willing to pass on our hard earned knowledge to our single friends. It would be great if you could post some advice below.
Finally, my hope and prayers are with Luke and Courtney. Their lives have just changed forever and I think that they are gonna rock this thing.
Monday, February 15th 2010 at 1:50 pm |
Good points Matt! I would add the book ‘Love & Respect’ to your required reading list. It is exceptional…
Monday, February 15th 2010 at 2:06 pm |
I agree. I have ‘Love and Respect’ by Eggerichs on my shelf too.
Monday, February 15th 2010 at 2:48 pm |
Ahhhh… Aussie Bass Player takes on Nashville’s “Chronically Single”.
Nice start – those are three great books you mentioned.
The best advice I have ever heard is simply ‘don’t be selfish’. Easier said than done. But if you get it, you’ll be well on your way to a happy marriage. It’s not only a key to any successful relationship, but also the most recognizable quality in Jesus. Can’t go wrong there.
Monday, February 15th 2010 at 8:05 pm |
Good advice there, Matty!
Monday, February 15th 2010 at 9:20 pm |
We will be married 29 years this coming September. Marriage isn’t easy, it’s working at the relationship and keeping that relationship at the forefront of one’s priorities all the time. The challenges change as life’s events progress from just the two, to children, pets, community responsibilities, caring for aging parents then being just the two again, followed by grandchildren… changes mean each partner changes as well. Putting the other on the back burner, even for a short time, leads to mis-communication and problems. I have to constantly remind myself that I am to love my wife the way Christ loves the church… sacrificially, with patience and humility. Loving when the other would like your head on a stick… never easy. There are bumps, bruises and sometimes great emotional pain but the joy, companionship, supportive and loving times are well worth the effort. Absolutely those are two great books for anyone thinking of being or who are married.
Tuesday, February 16th 2010 at 6:12 pm |
As well as taking the bachelor out to be shot, add your sense of entitlement to the hit-list as well. It isn’t an original thought of mine, but marriage is not a 50-50 deal. It should be 100% each way. Look for an opportunity to give and be of service whenever and wherever you can.
Practicing this giving while you’re single, whether it’s at work, church or your weekly poker game, is good way to have the bachelor marching to the firing squad well before you pull the trigger with the words ‘I do’ and ‘I will’. I was a 29 year old bachelor when I got married, and I wish I had worked on this art of giving more before our wedding day. I would have been a better husband sooner as a result.
As Matt mentioned in a previous post, be fun to live with. When I look back at the hardest times our marriage has gone through, that hardship coincides with the times when I was a grouch to live with. Yes, work is stressful. Yes, your boss is a tool. Finding the fun and bringing that home instead is more important.
Maybe it is only an Aussie bloke thing, but many guys have trouble letting their guard down enough to be silly. I say macho bravado has no place in a husband and wife relationship. If there’s one person in your life you can be 100% vulnerable with, it should be your wife. Let your guard down, open up, be silly and make her laugh.
Now, to the bachelor, all this advice sounds like a fast-track lesson on becoming the most whipped man alive. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Try it and see
During my bachelorhood, Matt and Mary were (and still are) one of the best examples of successful marriage I could find. Onya mate!
Wednesday, February 17th 2010 at 8:29 am |
No estб seguro de que esto es verdad:), pero gracias a un cargo.
Gracias
BernieR
Wednesday, February 17th 2010 at 12:34 pm |
Great advice everybody. Loving this little community that we have here. Glad to be walking thi spath with you… if only for 5 mins/ weekday:)
Thursday, February 18th 2010 at 10:46 am |
You big softy. See you soon.
Friday, February 26th 2010 at 12:00 pm |
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Monday, March 1st 2010 at 11:22 pm |
i was starting to think i may possibly end up being the sole young man whom cared about this, at least at this point i recognize i’m not crazy
i am going to be sure to find out more about various additional posts just after i get a tad of caffeine in me, it’s arduous to read without having my coffee, take care 
Tuesday, March 2nd 2010 at 11:26 am |
Hey Benton,
I will try. Technology is not my strength.
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