Matt Smallbone

Yesterday’s blog about Jennifer Knapp stirred the hornets’ nest a bit. Some people misread the blog and thought that it was about homosexuality. It really wasn’t.

Yesterday’s blog was simply about how Christians (in particular… Christian bloggers) should respond to sinners. The question I was tackling was: “Are Christian bloggers right to condemn”?

I grabbed the important things from John 8:1-11. Check this out:

John 8

The Adulterous Woman

¹But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

²Early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people were coming to Him; and He sat down and began to teach them.

³The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court,

⁴they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act.

⁵“Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?”

⁶They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground.

⁷But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”

⁸Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.

⁹When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court.

¹⁰Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?”

¹¹She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either Go From now on sin no more.”

When I jumped online yesterday, I read a lot of horrible/ hateful things directed at Jennifer Knapp. I personally felt sickened. Don’t misunderstand me, sin is all bad… all of the time. I understand sin very well. It is my nature to sin.

However, when addressing a room full of people who wanted to condemn a woman caught in sexual sin, Jesus did say:

He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.

And no-one threw even a pebble.

And that IS a big deal…

Love

smalls

Tags: Jennifer Knapp, throwing stones

I have been dreading today. I only have a handful of friends left and I think that I have been harder to live with than usual since starting this 5-part series on “Who is better… Australia or America”?

Ten days ago, I decided to answer this question using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs as a framework. I got a B minus in PY101 at the University of Queensland, and I have felt out of my depth for most of the time. In fact… every time I try to spell ‘hierarchy’ my auto spell-check kicks in. (I before E except after C doesn’t count here). I have discovered that discerning which country is better in this manner is kind of like dancing to architecture.

I have received many emails from people who were laughing, crying and enraged (some all at the same time) at the debate. There have been suggestions of foul play and cluelessness. One fired up Canadian who joined the discussion late in the game described the piece on ‘esteem’ as ego-stroking. She said:

“It’s great that you have achieved so much and I’m sure God is nearly as impressed as you are with the DVD sales but dude… Introspection, is that what you call it?”

Ouch. (As an aside… I hope God is proud of my meager attempts to honor him… but this is for another day).

The four sub-headings that we have discussed so far (physiological, safety, social and esteem) are what Maslow described as ‘deficiency needs’. With the exception of the lowest (physiological) needs, when ‘deficiency needs’ are not met, the body gives no physical indication but the individual feels anxious and tense.

The final level of the pyramid is self-actualization. Maslow suggested that maybe 2% of people achieve this status. (Most of today’s nerdy info comes from wiki).

Maslow taught his students two ways of understanding self-actualization:

1) To be free of the good opinion of others.

2) To do things not simply for the outcome but because it’s the reason you are here on earth.

This level of need pertains to realizing an individual’s full potential. Maslow describes this as ‘the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming’. It is kind of like being comfortable enough with yourself that you can say  “I am who I am”. (Which is also for another day…) When applied to individuals the need is specific. For example one individual may have the strong desire to become an ideal parent, in another it may be expressed athletically, and in another it may be expressed through art.

In order to reach a clear understanding of this level of need, one must master the lower needs of physiological, safety, love, and esteem. Below are Maslow’s descriptions of a self-actualized person’s different needs and personality traits.

(Skip to **** if/when you get bored).

Acceptance

A self-actualized person “can accept their own human nature in the stoic style, with all its shortcomings, with all its discrepancies from the ideal image without feeling real concern”. This means that a self-actualized person can clearly see human nature in all its good and evil without the distortion from false social norms.

Self-actualized people tend to be good and lusty folk, hearty in their appetites and enjoying them mightily without regret or shame. This involves a basic acceptance of nature and the way things are rather than trying to change things (for example: disgust with body functions or having a food aversion) to suit one’s neuroses. This doesn’t mean these people lack morals, guilt, shame, or anxiety; it means that they have the ability to remove all unnecessary forms of these processes.

Problem Centering

Most people, when thinking of problems in their life, focus on what affects them and their own problems and issues; this applies particularly to insecure people. Self-actualized persons focus not on themselves, but for some greater good. These people attack problems as a “task they must do” and are concerned with “the good of mankind in general”.

The need for privacy

The self-actualized can be solitary, with no human contact, and do no harm to themselves. In fact most of the self-actualized like “solitude and privacy to a definitely greater degree than the average person”^. This gives them a level of detachment and an ability to remain calm and aloof even in situations where a personal problem or misfortune arises.

Morality and discrimination between means and ends

Maslow found that those who are self-actualized are very strong ethically. They have definite moral standards and do not experience the daily chaos of discerning right and wrong like most common people. When dealing with means and ends they have the ability to clearly distinguish between the two. Maslow found that they enjoy the means to an end. For example, driving to a destination annoys most people but a self-actualized person would enjoy the drive, the experience of travel. It is also in their ability to take the most trivial and mundane activities or objects and turn them into a game.

Sense of Humor

Maslow discovered that most self-actualized people do not have the same sense of humor as the average person. For example: they do not laugh at hostile humor (hurting someone to laugh), superiority humor (laughing at someone’s short comings), or authority-rebellion humor (laughing at unfunny, smutty jokes). A self-actualizing person’s sense of humor relates to philosophy and finding humor in humans who forget their place in the universe or when they act foolishly. It doesn’t attack people, rather states a message that happens to be funny. Self-actualized people don’t merely tell jokes to laugh, but to send a message or educate; “akin to parables or fables” ^[ .

Imperfections

Maslow also discovers that, in the view of normal society, self-actualizing persons can appear quite ruthless. He attributes this to their strength and this makes it possible to make cold calculated decisions based on logic. For example a man who found his life-long, trusted friend was actually dishonest would end the friendship abruptly without any regret or any other emotional pangs. This may seem brutal to the common man, but it just exemplifies the strength of the self-actualized person at work.

**** So, as I read through this list, I realize that the point of this whole discussion is moot, as I am one of the 98% of folk who have failed to self-actualize.

I sometimes laugh at jokes about the Irish, my political and religious understandings are colored by my upbringing, I am frustrated by the journey, I live in a grey world, I hate being alone and I don’t like when people fart on the tour bus.

But, you scream… which country is better?

I have no answer to this question.

I realize that this may seem like a political move to appease my mother and employer… but it is not. Both appreciate honesty.

In Maslow-vian terms, as nations, both the USA and Australia allow me to be well-fed, safe, have a sense of belonging and self-respect. The Australian Government is maybe a bit more involved in helping with some of the lower level needs, but ultimately both countries allow opportunity for the child to be raised safely and securely by their family. My failure to self-actualize is on me.

In 2006 I won the Green Card lottery which allowed my family make a go of life in the USA. It has been an incredible opportunity and one that I believe I have taken with both hands. I also love that I can be Australian, and enjoy our slightly more laid back approach to life… a place where ‘no worries’ is a lifestyle choice for many.

We have the opportunity to apply for American citizenship in 2011… and we are still unsure of the path that the future holds. We have a child who was born in the USA and all three have been raised here. They are safe and healthy thanks to this fine nation. I pray that they will outdo their old man and self-actualize one day… be it in Australia or the USA.

My attempt at making a science of this has been a resounding failure. However, I have been reminded of one thing because of  this process that has made it all worthwhile:

An Australian living in the USA is the most blessed person you will ever meet.

Whoa Nelly.

I didn’t realize the amount of self-evaluation that climbing this pyramid would take. I have found myself really missing Australia over the last 10-days. Three days ago I heard a good friend of mine was moving back to Australia from Mobile, AL. It kind of knocked my legs out from under me. I am in a tender place at the moment… and I blame this blog. Sometimes it’s just emotionally easier to not unpack these things.

Anywho…

Today we consider issues of esteem. I’m not entirely certain as to whether geography plays a major role in this step towards self-actualization… but… I started this emotional jaunt into the recesses of my soul… and by gum… I will finish it.

Esteem is the normal human desire to be accepted and valued by others. People need to engage in stuff that gives a sense of contribution in order to feel accepted and self-valued.

I’ve decided not to hit all of the sub-headings as outlined in Maslow’s pyramid on this one. It seems a bit nerdy for a Monday. I am gonna vibe this one out.

Here we go…

Self-esteem: This has never been too much of a struggle for me. I had bad skin and was uber-skinny in high school… but I survived. I felt very much loved by my parents, pulled pretty good grades, was ok at sport, was quasi-popular socially and played a musical instrument that has mysterious powers over the opposite sex.

Nothing too much has changed since moving to the USA.

Tie.

Confidence: If anything, I feel like my confidence in myself continues to grow. This tends to happen when you have surrendered your will to that of a loving creator. I have a deep confidence in a God who I have continually seen provide for me and my family.

In terms of my professional life… the USA has allowed me to achieve much more than I thought was possible for a young bloke from the bush. This instills a great deal of confidence.

USA 1 – AUS 0

Respect of/ by others (the need for status, recognition, fame, prestige, and attention)

Two years ago I played on a live worship DVD that was shot in Houston, TX. We did the show in an ex-NBA arena and the record/ DVD has gone on to win awards and sell a gazillion copies. I have seen myself playing bass on the flat-screens of retail establishments around the world. This kind of thing makes you feel respected by others… at least at a professional level.

I have to hand this one to the USA. I can’t imagine feeling ‘this respected’ had I stayed in Australia.

USA 2 – AUS 0

So, the USA closes the gap today and we are at 2 all as we head into the final round.

To be honest, I can’t wait for all of this introspection to be done with. Sometimes this sanguine guy just wants to smell the roses and turn the music up to eleven.

I got in late last night from our little jaunt to Canada. I thought I had lost my bass in Minneapolis… however Delta did a great job of getting it to Nashvegas. We have an 11-show tour to Canada on the books for April 29 – May 12. I like Canada a lot. Come out and see us.

Anyway(s)…

If you are joining me for the first time today, I suspect that you may need to read through part one and two for this entry to make any kind of sense. I am on a journey towards self-actualization and am closing in on whether this is more likely to occur in the USA or Australia.

Hold on to your pocket protectors. It’s gonna be a rough ride.

After physiological (won by USA) and safety (won by Australia) needs are fulfilled, the third level of human needs are social.  We are pretty much talking about ‘belonging’ today. This component of Maslow’s hierarchy involves emotionally-based relationships in general, such as:

• Friendship
• Intimacy
• Family

Level three explains a lot of things about our desire for social groupings, including the appeal of joining a gang and/or church small group. It explains why women go to the bathroom together and why men smoke cigars and wear football jerseys.

In 2006, Mary and I moved to Tennessee broke, hopeful (in an indie rock band) and carrying around one child.  I am now slightly less broke, own a house, have 3 kids and sometimes get upgraded to first class when flying because my ‘multi-platinum album sales, People Magazine’s most beautiful man’ boss is beloved by so many.

It definitely feels like things are on the up and up. However, when confronted with the question of where I belong… I must admit that I am quite confused about where I MOST belong.

I have now lived in the USA for four years. Visiting Cracker Barrel is no longer like a trip to Disneyland and in many ways we are confronted by the normality of life for the first time. I don’t even visit the gun section in Wal-Mart any more.

To most people in the USA, I am simply known as the curly haired Australian guy who plays bass. My Australian-ness is thrust upon me at every corner. USA folk dig the accent (although… I still have to put on an over the top southern accent if I am to order drive thru food accurately in the south). In general terms, I find myself identifying very much as Australian.

However….

When I am actually in Australia I feel like I don’t have a single clue about anything that is going on over there. I am an outsider there too…

Teach me something Mr Maslow… PLEASE.

Maslow suggests that humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance to self-actualize. This can come from large social groups, such as clubs, the office, church, professional organizations, sports teams, or small social connections (family members, intimate partners, mentors, close colleagues, confidants).

Basically, people need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety and clinical depression. This need for belonging can often overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure. For example, an anorexic girl may ignore the need to eat and the security of health for a feeling of control and belonging. An emo kid may cut for similar reasons.

Time to hit the scoreboard…

Friendship – I feel like I have all of my friendship needs met via my band mates, church friends, small group and family. I do in Australia as well. (My wife would probably give this one to Australia as our phase of life in terms of sheer volume of children under the age of 5 has made friend making difficult).

Tie.

Intimacy – I am very fortunate to be in a loving marriage and have a handful of friends with whom I can be emotionally honest with. I also have this in Australia.

Tie.

Family –My brother (and best mate) lives 20 mins from me, and I have an uncle, aunty and 6 cousins within 30mins that provide great support. However, we are both from big families, and there is definitely something missing from our lives in terms of family since we moved to the USA.

Australia 1 – USA 0

To be honest, I still don’t feel like I have totally answered this question of belonging for myself yet. I feel like I belong in both Australia and the USA most of the time, and then occasionally… not at all.

I belong enough in both places to self-actualize. There is no need to join a gang , starve myself or take up bingo.

Stage 3 goes the way of Australia… by a hair.

I have found myself in a bloodbath of discourse with several Australian since my first post on this matter. One of the most astute Methodists I know replied with the simple opening line of: ‘You are no longer my friend’.

OUCH.

They were all offended that the USA won the ‘food’ criteria. They all claimed that USA food is doused in preservatives, fat and high fructose corn syrup. It is. However… we are debating survival rather than health on the bottom layer of Maslow’s pyramid. While preservatives may kill you in the long run, I believe that it is possible to self-actualize on the Subway Value meal diet.

Maslow would be pleased.

Moving right along.

The second bottom level of the pyramid pertains to SAFETY.

With their physical needs relatively satisfied, the individual’s safety needs take precedence and dominate behavior. These needs have to do with people’s yearning for a predictable, orderly world in which injustice and inconsistency are under control, the familiar frequent and the unfamiliar rare. In the world of work, these safety needs manifest themselves in such things as a preference for job security, grievance procedures for protecting the individual from unilateral authority, savings accounts, insurance policies, and the like.Source- WIKI

Today we’ll look at:

Security of

• The Body
• Employment
• Resources
• Morality
• The family
• Health
• Property

Dude was nothing if not thorough.

Safety of the body: As my seething Methodist friend pointed out: “Don’t forget to mention in ‘safety’ that Aussieland has the 3rd lowest incidence of gun crime in the world, as opposed to those in TN who fire warning shots to the chest… hahaha”. He has a point.

Australia 1- USA 0

Safety of employment: You can pretty much get fired at any time for any reason in TN. (Your boss fakes a meeting with you at Panera Bread while a workmate packs up your stuff in a cardboard box and leaves it beside your car). In Australia you need to receive a number of formal warnings and your employer needs a mountain of paper work to fire you.

Australia 2 – USA 0

Safety of resources: We all know that your possessions are a lot safer when you are holding a gun. (Unless, of course, your armed assailant has a larger gun).

Australia 2- USA 1

Safety of morality: Hmm – Days of our Lives vs Home and Away… This is a tie. We are morally yoked as nations.

Safety of the family: If daddy loses a job, the Australian welfare system is over the top generous (and tax like crazy to achieve this). Both countries, at least in theory, value the family unit as super-important.

Australia 3- USA 1

Safety of health: Australia has both state and private hospitals/ health-care (and tax like crazy to achieve this). Most people use both to a certain extent. Most Australians believe that the health care system is terrible.

In Australia, my private health insurance costs less than half  of what it does in the USA and it covers dental, hospital, pregnancy, physiotherapy etc. If anyone in my family has to go to hospital, I pay a $250 co-pay once per year and we are all good. All I do is swipe a card and the computers talk to each other and I pay a small ‘gap’ payment if required. However, if you don’t have private health you can be sitting in a waiting room for a long time.

In the USA, they take down my (expensive) insurance information, and I receive about 5 different confusing letters from different health care providers for every visit. And it costs a ton. However, you can always negotiate on the price of your care, and all hospitals will cut you a deal and a payment plan if you are poor and without insurance.

Both countries are struggling with health care. Winning this category is kind of like being the best break-dancer in a Southern Baptist church. However, If I was going to break my arm, I would hope to be in Australia.

Australia 4 – USA 1

Safety of Property – If you are in a mortgage and unemployed, I would rather be in Australia at this moment in history. I know that this is not necessarily what Maslow intended here, but it feels right in 2010.

Australia 5 – USA 1

And there you have it. A big win to the Aussies today. We are 1-1 in this best of 5 series.

I await your well-informed responses with fear and trepidation.