Matt Smallbone

gen·er·ous/ˈjenərəs/Adjective
1. (of a person) Showing a readiness to give more of something, as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected: “generous with her money”.
2. Showing kindness toward others

About twice a year I hear someone describe another as ‘generous to a fault’. It is a saying that is often used during speeches at funerals and weddings.

It is a backhanded compliment that could only be stated (honestly) by someone who is skeptical of generosity.

I guess that these people view generosity as something that should have limits.

I disagree with them.

Of course… this phrase is hyperbole… I guess… but it is not useful in the western world in 2010. We occupy a world which is determined to take care of number one.

I think that it is impossible too be ‘too generous’. (I concede that if you starve to death because you have given away your last dollar that this may be an exception… but generous people tend to have many friends… and I really doubt that many expire in this manner).

Generosity is actually one of the great things about being a part of a civilized society.

We need to start a revolution of generosity.

You could start by buying dinner for your friends (rather than splitting the bill) the next time you are out at a restaurant. This is a basic form of generosity that will never be forgotten. This is the the bottom rung of the generosity ladder (loving your friends is easy). However, this is a ladder worth climbing.

As you ascend… you will realize that you are happier and have more friends than you can ever imagine.

“Generous to a fault”. BAH. Go and read a vampire novel.

I like the Seattle airport. Free WiFi and comfy chairs. Half of our team are asleep in the comfy chairs. It’s all that we need.

We are getting in to Nashville tonight at about 6pm, and will be home for about 44 hrs before we trundle off to Africa and South America for three more weeks.

You read that right… we will be home for only 44 hrs in the middle of a five week tour. It has been a long time since I have hit the road this hard.

My kids don’t know that I have to leave for tour again… we are still trying to figure out how to break that news.

What I do know is that my family is a very pliable unit. They roll with the punches really well. We have lots of fun together, and I think that this is what makes the difference.

The only real parenting philosophy that we have adopted is that our home is a fun place. We have lots of fun within some clearly defined parameters. I think that this buys me a lot of grace from my wife and kids. I am so thankful that they allow me the freedom to not only ‘live the dream’, but they allow me to do it free of guilt. I owe them everything.

Daddy will be home soon. Get the wrestling cushions out.

Last night I slept under the stars with our eldest son, Isaac (4). It was a great night of alleged monster appearances and bush whizzing on our favorite tree.

This morning I stumbled off the trampoline as a guy who had just clocked 9-years of marital bliss… and it feels great.

The first time I spoke with Mary was on the first day of Year 11, in our home class at Concordia College, Toowoomba. It was a warm February morning and my heart leaped out of my chest. This girl was special. She seemed at ease with herself and was very kind. She really didn’t act like an insecure teenager… even though we all were.

Mary would not go out with me, even though I knew I wanted to marry her. We were best friends for the next two years, and we still have a pile of letters that we wrote to each other during that time. We once even held hands at the movies during Jurassic Park (through the cup holder… classy) but it turned out that that was a one way deal.

We left for University two years after we first met and I fell in and out of love at least three times in that period. If I have to be honest, Mary was always in the back of mind… if only as the ‘one who got away’.

At the end of 1998, we reconnected on a beach mission in Mooloolaba. This was a camp where relationships were outlawed… and as is always the case… romance was blooming all around.

Mary and I were dating in secret when this was taken.

We were married April 7, 2001… and we have had a great run. I am not envious of anyone else’s marriage. I have a great life.

However, I dwell in a world of broken marriages and aching hearts. I often reflect on what we have done that has worked so well.

Here are our secrets (From True Love’s Kiss – February 4, 2010)

1. We have made a lot of good decisions.

For example.

When we were first married, Mary was teaching and I was disappearing to minister around Australia for weeks at a time in an indie-rock-ministry band. She felt the pressure of being the main provider, and was becoming miserable. So… I wrote her resignation letter for her and gave it to her as a gift.

I then stepped up to the plate and started providing for the family.

(Tragedy averted).

2. We have fun

My dad starts every marriage counseling session with the question,

“Are you fun to live with?”

I acknowledge that this is not the most sophisticated line of existential questioning; however, I suspect that it is the most important marital question of all.

I know that you are sitting there thinking, “Come on rookie, there is more to it than that”.

You are right of course.

We are sensible with money and avoid stressing ourselves out. We never criticize each other in public or raise our voices. Ultimately though, fun and solid decision making gets us home. These two keys allow Mary to respect me, and her respect allows me to love her.

A man must feel respected and a woman must feel loved for a happy marriage to exist.

Now, some of you religious folks out there are concerned that I didn’t mention that ‘God is the center of our relationship’.

Well… He is.

But I know of great marriages where this isn’t the case. Christians don’t have the mortgage on happy marriages … and this is a shame. It is sad when ‘ministers of reconciliation’ can’t figure out a way to live in marital bliss.

Here is what I recommend  for anyone in a rough marriage.

Make the big decisions that need to be made and start having fun with each other again.

These two simple steps may well plot your course back to the harbor. You will need to be brave, but nothing of significance was ever won by the timid.

If I have observed one thing about true love it is this:

There is nothing more attractive than a woman who has been well-loved for decades.

I want that for Mary. I want that so bad I can taste it.

The scariest thing about being a parent is when you have a sick baby. Your adrenaline starts pumping and you realize that you will do anything to protect this little one.

Our youngest (Jack) has been running a fever for the last few days… and it hasn’t been very much fun.

Here are some tips for you that I have read about over the last few days…

1. Buy a good thermometer (ear ones are the easiest).

2. When your child is running 103F, you need to give them Tylenol/ panadol. You then retake their temperature in 30 mins. If they are still at 103 you need to get them to hospital.

3. Other than that, kids with fever need fluids and light clothes. Put them to sleep with a light covering. We usually sleep them in our room so that we can keep a close eye on them.

What have I missed?

Happy Friday!

Matt

Disclaimer: I am a bass player not a Doctor. Please do not use any of this advice over that of your physician. Please do your own research!

Tags: fever, sick kids, thermometer

Nashville is an interesting town. There are so many intelligent, hot and available 33 year olds who haven’t or won’t get married. Is it fear? Too much pollen? Or has marriage become decidedly un-cool to these post-modern hipsters?

I don’t know…

My 23 year-old cousin got engaged on Saturday night to the girl of his dreams and it has been a cool romance to watch develop. They seem to genuinely love and respect each other. They have been blessed with a great model of marriage from both parents. They are simultaneously in love and grounded. They have already passed the ‘in sickness and in health’ test.

From the outside it appears that they have all of the building blocks in place to make a great life together. For what it’s worth… they have my blessing.

So many people’s lives however become a train wreck within months of getting married. What goes wrong?

What I do know is that you have to enter into marriage soberly. You will never understand the meaning of the word ‘solemn’ until you take your wedding vows looking into the damp eyes of the one that you love. It is heavy stuff.

If you are a bloke and thinking of proposing, I have a few small pieces of advice for you to consider and a little bit of home work as well.

First and foremost… you need to assassinate the bachelor. That dude needs to be taken out the back and shot. Marriage is no place for even the slightest hint of ‘bachelor-ness’. If you still want to be the man at every party and have the admiration of all women… DO NOT PROPOSE. You are not ready. Grow up and come back next year.

How does one kill the bachelor?

It’s easy… at least in theory. You make a conscious decision to be a ‘one lady man’ and you control your eyes. DO IT.

Secondly, spend some time with a happily married couple as well as a divorcee or two. There is a wealth of knowledge residing in both. You will be encouraged by the happily married couple and ‘put on notice’ by the divorcee.

Thirdly, educate yourself. I think that you should read The Five Love Languages and His Needs Her Needs.

These are both particularly important reads because they train you how to love your spouse.

There are some deep waters to navigate in order to be ready for marriage. Please join this discussion. The nuclear family is on the ropes and we should be willing to pass on our hard earned knowledge to our single friends. It would be great if you could post some advice below.

Finally, my hope and prayers are with Luke and Courtney. Their lives have just changed forever and I think that they are gonna rock this thing.